The magic of memoir
Why I love reading and writing personal stories and how they help me through difficult times.
When I was a child, I always had my head in a book. And if I wasn’t reading, I was at the library getting more books.
‘What do you love about reading?’ my mum once asked.
‘It’s a different world,’ I replied. I don’t remember the conversation, but it’s a story my mum’s told lots of times over the years. I think she was worried I was so engaged in other worlds that I wasn’t interacting with the one I was in. (She might have had a point).
I suppose what my younger self was trying to say was that books allowed me to escape to a different world. Reading gave me the chance to explore places I’d never been and hear stories about characters with different perspectives and experiences. I loved getting lost in a story and caring about the characters so much that by the end of the book, I felt like I was leaving a friend. I lived for my Saturday mornings at the library and the excitement of picking new books for the week ahead.
When I went to college, I chose subjects where books and narratives were central—English literature, journalism, media, classics. I valued being introduced to new writers and genres and enjoyed reading out of my comfort zone. But it was fiction that I preferred over everything. Fiction took me out of the everyday and let me escape.
I’ve always wanted to be a writer so, naturally, assumed that fiction would be my specialism. I never considered memoir writing would be for me. Perhaps I thought that my life wasn’t interesting enough, or that I didn’t have a story to tell, or maybe I thought no one cared about what I had to say.
My interest in memoir came when I was in my thirties and returned to university to study creative writing, first at the Open University (OU) and then at Sheffield Hallam. For one of my first assignments at the OU, I had to submit a memoir piece. I didn’t have a clue what to write, and certainly had nothing poignant to say, but I had to write something. After a lot of procrastinating, I drafted a funny story about my everyday life and, feeling a little embarrassed, handed it in. I expected to get feedback saying, ‘See me after class,’ or ‘Must try harder,’ but I didn’t.
My tutor couldn’t have been more supportive. ‘You have a talent for life writing,’ she said. ‘You should keep writing.’
This was a BIG moment. Up to then, no one had ever told me I had a talent for anything. I listened to her feedback and submitted another life writing piece, gaining my highest mark. Much to my surprise, life writing seemed to be my thing.
But when it came to applying for a master’s degree, I didn’t think my real-life stories would be what the academics were looking for. Surely, they wanted portfolios of a serious literary persuasion. I went back to my original plan of writing a novel and quickly cobbled together a portfolio of fiction. I hoped it would be enough to get me a place on the course, but worried it would fall short.
When the email came through offering me a place, I was so excited. Studying for an MA in writing was a chance to take myself and my writing ambitions seriously. The great thing about the course was that it required students to submit a full-length manuscript. It could be a novel, collection of short stories, memoir, poetry collection, children’s novel, or screenplay.
My plan was to write and submit a novel, but going into my final year, just as class was about to start, I changed my mind, opting instead to specialise in memoir. I’d suffered a bereavement that had completely shattered my world. Suddenly, writing a novel didn’t appeal, whereas writing memoir was helping me to process my grief. I’d written a short piece about running and loss, and I wanted to develop it into a book. I worked hard on it for years, graduating in November 2019, having written over 100,000 words that I edited and shaped into a 70,000-word memoir.
Then came the dilemma of what to write next: fiction or nonfiction? Should I return to fiction and try to write a novel? What kind of novel would it be? Would I be able to do it? And what about memoir? I liked that. Should I write another? Would that be ridiculous?
While I was thinking it over, the pandemic struck, turning our lives and work upside down. I grabbed my laptop and started writing about the turbulent times we were living through. I shared my slice of life stories on my blog and later in my book. Readers got in touch to say they were enjoying them and that the stories made them smile and helped them through the dark days. The comments meant so much to me because I was struggling, too. Writing about the chaos of those crazy days was my way of coping and helped to ease some of my stress and anxiety.
Like many others, these past few years have been the saddest and most challenging of my life. As life slowly returned to normal, it seemed like everyone else was getting their lives back, but I felt mine was falling apart. There was more loss, heartache, and uncertainty than I could cope with.
My friend Hannah died in 2021. We’d been friends since we were children, and it completely devastated me. For a long time, I struggled to write anything. I was grieving and going through an unsettled time in my home life. We had three house moves in two years (it’s a long story) and I didn’t have the time, space, or energy to focus on writing. Working, family commitments, caring for our geriatric pets, and managing the house moves were more than enough to juggle.
Instead, I found comfort in reading. Unlike the young me, who devoured fiction and loved getting lost in imagined stories, I turned to memoir. I was drawn to real-life narratives from authors who had experienced loss and sadness but who had emerged stronger, overcoming their challenges enough to write about them.
I read stories of loss and love, stories that inspired me and made me think, stories that moved me to tears. I use the word story, but it’s more than that; it’s a genuine experience. And even when those experiences were drastically different from mine, I could still relate and connect with them emotionally. That’s the magic of memoir.
From all my reading, I realised that no life is too ordinary. Everyone has a story that is worth telling and we should not be afraid of sharing them in whatever way we like. It inspired me to get back to writing, to appreciate the work I produce, and to make a real effort to get my words out into the world.
I’m in my mid-forties now (still not sure how that happened). Life is changing and I’m changing. Midlife has brought some highs, lows, and some shocking realities about the ageing process. Just last week, I wrote about not even recognising myself in the mirror. It’s a strange time. I’m aware of life whizzing past at quite a pace, but also feel like I’m just getting started and have so much more to do. Everything is happening too quickly and sometimes I just want to slow it down and treasure the moments.
My niece started high school last month, so I’ve been feeling emotional that she’s growing up, gaining her independence, and leaving me behind. It’s made me think about what’s next for me in this new chapter of my life, where so far, I’ve felt lost, uncertain, and a little anxious.
Writing and reading more is always the answer. This time, I’ve turned to the women writing about midlife. Many of them are former magazine editors and journalists who inspired me to train as a journalist when I was starting my writing career. Reading their work made me realise that this point in my life is not an ending, but a beginning.
So, I am putting aside the sadness and struggles of the past few years, and I am starting again. It already feels like a creative time. The words and ideas are flowing, and I’m excited about the possibilities. I want to write about being a woman in midlife and all the chaos, challenges, and celebrations that it brings, and I want to do it with honesty, humour, and heart.
More than anything, I’m looking forward to connecting with readers who might be feeling the same as me. Sharing memoir and personal pieces is never easy, but the emotional connection makes it so worthwhile.
Reading or writing memoir is like having a conversation with a friend over tea and cake, as they share their stories, insecurities, laughs and low points. It’s personal and relatable and that, I think, is what makes it special.