Dealing with rejection

Rejection is part of being a writer. It’s how you handle it that matters.

Photo by Arnel Hasanovic on Unsplash

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It’s Sunday night and I am excited about the week ahead. ‘Good things are coming this week,’ I tell my husband. ‘I can feel it.’

He smiles because I have spent most of the weekend and last week manifesting, meditating, and letting the universe know that I am open to things happening in my writing career.

I couldn’t have been clearer. ‘Universe, I am open to writing opportunities,’ I’ve kept repeating out loud. ‘Send them my way.’

I’ve spent at least 11 minutes every day doing meditations to clear my energy body and unblock my magnetic flow. I wanted my energy and vibrations to be so high that the universe would see me and think, ‘Liz is open to receiving all the opportunities, make sure she gets them.’

And the reason I’ve been doing all this work is because I made a longlist for a novel writing competition and would very much like to make it through to the next round –the shortlist. 

Being shortlisted is a bit like winning, especially in this competition, as all the writers on the list get the opportunity to work with an editor from one of the big publishing companies.

And if your name isn’t on the list, you can’t come in.

I write much more nonfiction than fiction, so when the email came through telling me I’d made the longlist for a fiction competition, it was a wonderful surprise, boosting my belief in my words, my novel, and myself.

I’m one step away from an opportunity that could be a turning point in my career, something that is so exciting it’s been keeping me up at night.

What if I won? What if…

Before I knew it, my imagination had gone into overdrive, and I was wondering who would play the leading man in the film adaptation of my novel (Ryan Gosling, if you’re interested). And what I’d wear to the film premiere and even the Oscars. And when the film came out, away from the glamour of Hollywood, I’d hire a screen at Barnsley Cineworld (it’s a thing; all the kids are doing it), and my friends and family would join me to celebrate together. And I’d sit and eat my bag of minstrels and popcorn, happy that my dreams had come true.

Maybe I was getting ahead of myself. There’s a big jump from sending a few chapters of my book into a competition to seeing it made into a movie, but it’s nice to dream.

Making the shortlist would be a wonderful opportunity. I just had to keep doing the energy work, keep believing, stay positive and hopefully the universe would deliver when the time was right.

The waiting is always the hardest part. The organisers contacted me in early November and said they would be in touch mid-November. I convinced myself the result would come on Wednesday, the fifteenth—exactly the midpoint of the month.

In the meantime, the results from another competition were also due. This time, it was a memoir competition. With so much positivity work, I hoped I might make the longlist for that, too.

It was a week of possibility, where I hoped everything that I’ve been working towards might, just might, come together.

I sprang out of bed on Monday morning at my usual 5am and spent two lovely hours writing. I am very much a morning person, and do all my creative work before the world, and my husband, have woken up.

Full of energy and enthusiasm, I threw myself into a job I’ve been putting off for months—the accounts (for last year’s tax return). Even three hours in front of a soul-drainingly dull spreadsheet couldn’t dampen my spirits.  

I had my lunch, connected with other writers on social media, did some marketing work, then set off to check on the horses because a storm was coming. On my way back, I got stuck behind a tree that had fallen and blocked the road.

I was battling fierce winds and trying to move the tree when the email came through. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I knew it was an email about one of the results. I continued to focus on the tree, snapping off branches, one at a time, and moving them to the side of the road so I could get past.

I drove home and clicked the email, trying to ignore the rising feeling of dread. It was from the memoir competition, the one where I’d hoped to make the longlist.

It was a lengthy email, and I skimmed over the words. It began with a generic ‘good afternoon’, rather than a personal greeting, which is never a good sign.

Then in paragraph three. ‘We are sorry to say that, on this occasion, your submission hasn’t been longlisted…’

Followed by ‘We appreciate that receiving emails like this can be disappointing.’

They tried to soften the blow by offering reduced prices on their classes and feedback to everyone who entered within three months, but if you haven’t heard by the end of January to get in touch because they have a lot of writers to get back to.

As far as rejection letters go, it was one of the nicer ones.

I closed the email and sat at my desk. Usually when rejections come through, I don’t get upset. It’s part of the process of being a writer, so I just move on to the next opportunity.

But this one stung.

Maybe it was because I was convinced good news was coming, and then, in the click of an email, it wasn’t.

I sat at my desk, trying to think rationally. There was still the other competition, there was still hope. But it didn’t feel like it. All my positivity was draining away. It was too early to move on. I needed to sit with my feelings for a while.

I really thought I’d had a chance. Was the other competition going to go the same way? I’ve been here before and it’s not gone how I’d like.

And all the familiar thoughts, the ones I’ve worked so hard to overcome, resurfaced.

I never win. I’m not good enough. Why do I bother? I’ll never get anywhere with my writing.

I let them come, and then I went downstairs, made myself a hot chocolate, sat at the kitchen table and cried.

I was so disappointed, and although crying made me feel worse, it was better to let the emotion out than keep it bottled up and festering.

Photo by Arno Senoner on Unsplash

All the advice about dealing with rejection says to not take it personally, which makes sense, but isn’t easy. I put my heart and soul into my writing, and because I write memoir, it feels personal, even though in competition terms, I know it’s not.

I drank my hot chocolate and allowed myself time to feel sorry for myself. But only for a short time.

I know from experience that problems come if I wallow in the negativity, let it bring me down and drain my energy. In this state, it’s hard to be creative, impossible to believe in myself, and it’s detrimental to my mental health. There have been times when I’ve felt a failure, and my feelings have pulled me into a dark place.

These days, I don’t allow that to happen. I refuse to make things worse for myself.

I know I will keep going and never give up, but I also give myself the space and thinking time to recover from the disappointment.

After the hot chocolate, I had a long hot bath to relax. Whether I am in the bath or out running or walking, when my mind is quiet, this is when I gain clarity and when my ideas flow.

I remembered some advice from one of my tutors on my creative writing MA, which was to aim for one hundred rejections. The more you enter, the more failures and ultimately more success you will have. It makes sense. Remembering her advice made me feel better.

My thoughts turned away from self-sabotage to something more helpful. And as usual, I came running out of the bathroom with ideas to jot down in my notebook. New stories to write, new competitions to enter.

Whenever I feel down, my response is always to take action. I stop thinking and start doing. Finishing a story or piece of work makes me feel good and builds momentum, leading to the next thing, and the next.

On Monday night, I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to begin, but I made some notes. I rested and recovered, so that by 5am on Tuesday, I was back at my writing desk, doing what I love.

Yes, I was still bruised from the rejection, but rather than falling into a deep, dark hole of despair, I wanted to learn from the experience. I set some time aside to go through my memoir and make it better, to push myself to be the best writer I can be.  

By Friday, I’d still not heard from the fiction award. I am still on the longlist. I am still within touching distance of an exciting opportunity. But I am also keeping an open mind. If it goes in my favour, it would be wonderful. If not, I have lots more options and projects coming up. And I made a longlist! I’m going to celebrate that.  

Whatever the outcome, I will keep manifesting, meditating, and asking the universe for opportunities. It gives me clarity, energy to keep striving, and a belief that good things are coming.

I am open to writing opportunities.

Universe, if you’re listening, send them my way!